I am seriously beginning to doubt whether I believe in God.
Airing such doubt probably is not good career advice for a Salvation Army officer - but as I strongly oppose joining those two words (officer and career) and believe an ‘officer career’ is an oxymoron, I need not to worry on that account. (You can read more about this here)
However, I better explain before you either report me to the General or call a prayer meeting.
Let me tell you a little, but true, story:
We were interviewing for a temp position as secretary to the Chief Secretary (played by yours truly), due to multiplication in the family of my normal secretary (read: maternity leave). The candidate in front of us was very qualified and the interview was mostly to make sure of the right ‘chemistry.’
“How will you manage to work in an organisation that is so overtly Christian as we are?” we asked. She did not stop to think for a moment but answered straight away: “That will be no problem at all, I believe in God,” and she then continued before we had time to react “or Buddha, or Muhammed or whatever one choose to call him.”
To our credit, we kept a straight face and, as far as we were aware, did not in any way let it tell we probably had a slightly different understanding of ‘God’ than the candidate. She was not hired, but the story is an illustration of what is causing my doubts. For many, including adherents to the Christian faith, ‘God’ is being used to express faith in a ‘higher being’ - not clearly defined and impersonal. For many, such a belief carries with it, or can lead to an understanding that it makes no real difference whether you are a Christian, a Muslim, a Jew or any other expression of faith because ‘it is the same god we believe in anyway.’
I do not believe in an impersonal, undefinable ‘higher being’, in a god that for all intents and purposes just is a common designator for some kind of religious belief. As Christians, we believe in the one and only God, creator of heaven and earth, that has revealed himself to us through the god-man Jesus Christ.
Fast forward to another meeting, this one a Sunday morning worship service I attended a while ago. We were welcomed in the ‘name of God’ and the name of Jesus was not mentioned before we made it to the sermon, and there only briefly. I am not sure Jesus was even mentioned in any of the congregational songs. Now, I am not suggesting that the leader of the meeting adhered to the impersonal and diffuse understanding of God mentioned above, but it was not clear - and that is exactly the issue and what is causing my doubt. When people speak about 'god', I doubt what they mean, and whether I believe in the god they are referring to.
As Paul wrote to the Christians in Corinth, no one gets ready for battle, if the trumpet does not make a clear sound (1. Cor. 14:8). If we only profess faith in ‘God’ thenwe are producing a muddled, unclear sound, with ‘no distinction in the notes.’ It might be less offensive than proclaiming Jesus, it might create less resistance or ridicule, but as it often is the path of least resistance is not the right path to choose. and in this case, it is even a dangerous path.
John warns us that ‘every spirit that does not acknowledge Jesus is not from God’ and then goes on to say that such a spirit is ‘the spirit of the antichrist’. I am not in any way saying that every time we say ‘God’ rather than ‘Jesus’ we are denying Jesus, but when we begin to almost exclusively talk of God and not mentioning Jesus, then we are getting awfully close.
We believe in Jesus, not just as an undisputable historical figure, but as the Son of God. We believe that ‘whoever has seen the Son, has seen the Father’, that Jesus is the only way to God, and that whoever has the Son, has the life. So let us 'make a clear sound' and not give any reason for doubt or confusion. Let us lift up the name above all other names, the only name given us unto salvation: Jesus, and see that as he is lifted up, he will draw people unto himself.
And in that, I do not doubt at all.